How not to review

[shivver]

I checked my email a little while ago and received a whole bunch of notifications from fanfiction.net saying that there were reviews on my short story collection A Teacher and a Housemaid. "Ok, that's weird," I thought, because no one reads those. So I go to ffnet and look through the reviews. They were all left by a Guest, and while the first couple were more than five words long, they quickly degenerated. I plan to delete them all soon, but they were strange enough that I wanted to record them here for posterity. Enjoy!


(Stories listed in the order they're listed on ffnet, which is narrative chronological except the most recently-written one is last, so you get the full effect of the comments.)

• Sketches on a Summer Day: This chapter really interested me into how schools used to be and Latimer's character made me feel sorry for him because he's scared to tell the teachers he's being bullied by his housemates


• Mr. Smith and Miss Jones: I liked this chapter because it's introducing the doctor and his companion Martha to the story and how they traveled to Norwich


• A Splendid Prospect: This chapter is really good as the headmaster is introduced from the all boys boarding school and they are about to settle in


• Four O'Clock in Early September: This chapter describes what the schoolboys are like in a cricket game


• Lessons in History: This chapter is good for describing the work of a maid


• Laundry Day: Laundry can be hard work


• A Bowl of Fruit: It describes the taste of fruit


• A Dreamer and a Fantasist: This chapter is full of adjectives


• A Fragment of the Timestream, Part 1: The Mr smith is having dreams


• A Fragment of the Timestream, Part 2: This describes the chapter


• A Proper Doctor: It looks into Mr smith being a proper doctor and getting to know the school better and better each day


• History and Intuition: I get to know Mr rocastle the headmaster in this chapter

(Hm, maybe I should hire this person to write my story summaries. "This story is full of pronouns and describes how wet paint feels.")

(I should note, all of these reviews were left about 1-3 minutes apart. Pretty darn fast reader considering most of these are 2000+ word stories. He didn't understand "A Proper Doctor" at all.)

Comments

[arcanetrivia]

Huh.

I dunno if you watch The Daily Show, but I feel like I've just seen "Here it is, your moment of Zen."

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

Yes, that about sums it all up perfectly.

[flowsoffire.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Welcome to FF.net all over again, darling.

I love how at first it seems like the person is trying to make interesting reviews and just awkward at it, and then it's like they're slowly starting to think of it as a school assignment and consider you need them to tell you what the story is about XDDD You really get that "FML, it's 3 AM and I don't want to be doing an English paper right now" vibe o.O

[dtstrainers.livejournal.com]

I always wonder when I see comments like that if the person is a native English speaker. Maybe the awkwardness is just trying to comment when you barely understand what you've read. I dunno- just trying to figure it out.

[toffy346.livejournal.com]

The person might have challenged themselves :D

But that looks quite ridiculous.

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

I don't know whether to laugh, marvel or beat my head repeatedly against a hard surface...just...what?!

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

It definitely has the feel of someone who feels they *must* write something, doesn't it?

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

Actually, it definitely felt to me like the person is not native English speaker.

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

My favorite is definitely "This chapter is full of adjectives."

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

Here, have an adjective! On the house!

[toffy346.livejournal.com]

Your comment is full of... adjectives. No. Lol. I guess it's a new joke.

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

Because trees!!

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

That was what finally had me cackling with laughter. Must say, that is my favorite one as well...*grins*

[toffy346.livejournal.com]

And this describes the comment. *giggles*

[doctorxdonna.livejournal.com]

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

I'm so lost right now. What an odd series of comments.

[flowsoffire.livejournal.com]

Definitely!

[shivver13.livejournal.com]

I almost feel like leaving them on the stories, just so that anyone who reads the reviews will get to have a good laugh. Not to mention they push my review count up. ;)