shivver | A couple of friends

I know I've said a few times over the years that I don't have friends, and it is really true in one sense. I don't have anyone I'm close to, that I hang out with and talk to, except my husband. My band director Tim is probably the closest I have to a friend here in town, since I see him every week at band rehearsal and we chat about things outside of music and help each other out when one needs something, but we're not particularly close; he just happens to be the closest. I have a couple of people that I talk to online, but not like about personal stuff or anything. We have specific things we talk about but rarely stray out of that.

And that's fine by me. I don't know why, but I really am an introvert, in the sense that dealing with other people exhausts me and I'd much rather just not. I'm not shy - I'm perfectly comfortable interacting with people, and in fact, my husband marvels at my ability to just walk up to a celeb at Gallifrey One and start a conversation.

Anyway, so when I say "a couple of friends", that really should be more like "a couple of acquaintances".

I've really grown to like

purplecat's method of identifying people by a set nickname, so I'm going to start doing that... until I forget what nickname I used for them and make a new one up.

Skeleton's not really my friend, actually. He's someone that my husband worked with twenty-five years ago, back at the first game company we both worked at. They were both QA testers, in their first jobs in the software industry, and they had both risen to lead positions by the time that those jobs ended. They might have worked together again afterwards, but eventually Skeleton got a job that required him to move out of state, and they lost whatever tenuous touch they'd maintained. They probably haven't talked to each other since about 2008.

Last week, my husband (who I really need a nickname for, don't I?) got an email purporting to be from Skeleton, and though it sounded legit, it's always good to verify. After checking by asking about something that only Skeleton knows, he asked what's up, and Skeleton said he wanted to chat about a possible opportunity.

Apparently, Skeleton is now an engineering manager at a large, well-established company and they need a new QA manager. So, he started asking his contacts, which included Rowboat, general manager at the company that my husband and Skeleton worked at twenty-five years ago, who happened to be the HR person at the company that my husband is working at now. And Rowboat said you can't get a better QA manager than my husband.

Skeleton implied that the job is pretty much his if he wants it (though they will still go through all of the usual process with interviews and things, because of course the decision isn't only Skeleton's), and yes, of course my husband wants it. As I've noted before, the company he works for now may collapse at any time and he doesn't have any security beyond the end of March. This new job will definitely have security beyond the end of March and, since it's for a stable, well-established company, it will probably last him until retirement. His security will hinge (more or less) only on his ability to do his job.

So, he sent in his resume and now it's the waiting game. He's also said that getting this job means that I will be able to choose whether or not to go back to work myself, which is nice. He's been very happy with how I've been choosing to spend my time - cleaning, chores, and improvements, and also pursuing my own hobbies - so he's good with me continuing to do so.

You might wonder why I'm calling the HR guy "Rowboat". So, we knew him as the general manager of the company we worked for back in the 90s, and of course, as the general manager, he was pretty much serving as the CEO of a software studio of over 120 people. Thus, you'd expect that as a regular employee, you'd never interact with him at all and he wouldn't even know your name.

Not Rowboat. He's very sharp and has a keen business sense, and he's certainly direct and forceful when he needs to be, but normally, he's kind of like your favorite friendly uncle, always interested in meeting everybody, getting to know you, and doing fun things with you. So, even though he moved on from the company in 1999, he still greeted us like old friends the couple of times we'd seen him since.

The first time we'd seen him since was about ten years later. Two friends of ours at our then-current company were getting married, so we went to the wedding, at a lodge on a river an hour out of town. You're probably thinking that it turned out that Rowboat was a mutual friend, but nope. He was working at the lodge! His wife owned the lodge, and he did have a job managing another software company, but it was a (mostly) remote job, so he did it from home (over the road from the lodge) and spent his free time doing maintenance and other tasks at the lodge.

We were so surprised to see him ("Isn't that Rowboat over there?" "Uh, yeah, looks like him. I didn't know he knew the bride and groom...") and when he saw us and came right over to catch up. At the end of the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom walked to the river bank and got into a rowboat - which he'd designed and built - and he rowed them down the river.

Thus, "Rowboat".

Another person reached out to us, though it was two weeks ago. Bassist was my engineering manager at my previous job. He's nice enough, but looking back, I don't think he was entirely effective. Granted, I didn't actually need much from him, but what little I did need, I didn't really get from him. Maybe it was because I'm a QA analyst and thus not someone an engineering manager has much expertise in training. (The QA manager couldn't be my manager because that's my husband.) But what I could ask from him, he'd always forget, so I'd have to wait weeks, as I reminded him of it every week during our 1:1 meetings. He's just so scatterbrained. At the time, I'd thought it was because he had so much to do and I was his lowest priority report, but he's still scatterbrained.

The thing that's significant about him, though, is that he actually tried watching Doctor Who on my recommendation and loved it. I mean, he was a Trekkie - a con-going, cosplay-wearing Trekkie - and he actually said, "I think Doctor Who is better than Star Trek." Within a month of starting to watch the show with "Rose", he started watching the classic show starting with "An Unearthly Child". And, he and his family are attending Gallifrey One next month.

So I get a text from him on the previous Thursday, saying that he's been meaning to catch up with us, so he wants to schedule a video call for the following week - when would be good for us? My first thought was, "We're going to hang out together in a month!" but my husband pointed out that he probably just wants to talk over Gally plans. My second thought was, "We're all on Discord and have been chatting there all this time. Why text me, rather than message the both of us there?" But okay.

On Friday, I texted back a time on Tuesday that was good for us. On Saturday, he said no, he's going to be in San Francisco for the first part of the week, so that isn't good. Notice that he hadn't told us in the original message that a large chunk of the week wasn't good for him, nor did he tells us in the second message when would actually be good.

So, on Monday, I check our calendars and text back, "How about Thursday at 1:00?" No response. Okay, that's fair, if he's busy in SF, though you'd think there'd be a moment in the hotel or whatever that he can check his calendar and respond.

On Tuesday, I create a calendar event for the three of us, asking for RSVP. No response.

Finally, at 11:00 on Thursday, I text him that since he hasn't responded and my husband is actually really busy at work and needs the time, I'm canceling the event. He texts back immediately and says, sorry, he was so busy, and yes, that's actually good because he has something at 1:00 as well, but he can move things if we'd like to meet at 1:30.

I'm thinking, "Did you actually read the message at all?" So I respond back and say no, my husband is really busy, so maybe next week. He responds great, he'll contact us to set up a time.

No, he never did. It's been a week and half.

But that's what I mean. He is such a flake. A nice person and fun friend, but still a flake. And, unfortunately, it made him an underwhelming manager. :/