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I was going to write this post last week Thursday, starting it with "My friend posted on Facebook today... That's never a good way to start a post, is it?" It probably was a good idea to wait for a while before actually writing anything.
My friend Patrick posted on Facebook on Thursday... He said that when he was forty, he wondered to himself if he'd ever see fifty. He remembers seeing a full moon and wondering how many more he'd see. A hundred? That would be a little more than eight years. Now, looking back on it, he felt prophetic: no, he's not going to see fifty, and he didn't get to see a hundred more full moons. He was diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer, and though the treatments have made the past fifteen months great, they're not working anymore and last Thursday's full moon was his last one. He hadn't cared to tell anyone but decided people would want to know, so he posted.
Patrick is one of those unusual people. He was a developer that joined our studio that made Facebook games back when it was actually profitable to make Facebook games. The first impression you'll get of him is that he's callous and unsociable... and then you'll find out just how wrong that impression was. He's actually a very caring and interested friend, and he loves his friends, but he doesn't waste time on social niceties. Once when we were at dinner with him and a number of others, he was having a great time talking and laughing, and then he went, "Okay, I'm done," and he got up and went home. He didn't care to make up an excuse, and you know what? That's okay. It's none of our business why he wanted to leave, and why should he need to make an excuse? I loved this about him.
He's intensely interested in everything. Of course, he can't do everything, but he wants to hear about it if he can't, and he loves listening to you talking about that esoteric thing you do and asking minute details about everything. He's the only one of my friends and co-workers who's actually attended one of my band concerts - he said he might drop by when I mentioned the concert, and then he actually did - and this includes my husband. Patrick loved it when I fell hard into Doctor Who, and was especially interested in my fanfic writing. We talked about it a few times, and he even read a few of my early stories. Most people thought it was weird or silly, and I've learned not to mention it to anyone, but he thought it was great.
In his Facebook post, he asked people to share a memory of him and he'll respond with a memory of you. I posted that I always picture him this one time in the parking lot at work, holding this stray kitten in his arms. That kitten had been hanging around the area for the past week and everyone had gotten to know him, and you could tell that Patrick really loved the kitten, but he refused to take him home. Patrick responded that at the time, he'd refused to let himself take the kitten home even though he really wanted to, and it was years before he allowed himself to get a cat, and in hindsight, it was pretty darn silly. (One of our other co-workers took the kitten home and named him Bosco; unfortunately, a couple of months later, Bosco was hit by a car.)
Patrick also responded that he always respected me for how I was never afraid to express my love for something even if it wasn't something society didn't approve of, and that my husband and I were always his "nerd goal". I believe he was referring to DW and fanfiction, and, well, I just really don't know what to say.
More recently (as in today), I learned that his cancer had spread to his bones, and that's really what he's dying of. He's currently still able to live on his own, and he's making the most of his time. He's been going out to dinner with friends, and this weekend, he's heading out of town for an air show. He also mentioned that he missed playing D&D with friends, so now we're organizing a D&D campaign to play with him. It's going to be a mess, as we have 11 people in the game and expect at least two more to join, but it's going to be wonderful.
A mutual friend said to me, "He's going death-with-dignity", and I replied, "Well, he's nailing it."
So, it's been a tough week and I spent the first couple of days crying a lot, but you know, while I am sad, the overwhelming feeling I have is respect, for Patrick and his outlook, both back then and right now. I'm going to miss you, Patrick. To be totally honest, we didn't intersect for all that long and we were never particularly close, but you left a significant positive impact on my life, and you know that "nerd goal" thing? Well, you're one of my "person goals".
My friend Patrick posted on Facebook on Thursday... He said that when he was forty, he wondered to himself if he'd ever see fifty. He remembers seeing a full moon and wondering how many more he'd see. A hundred? That would be a little more than eight years. Now, looking back on it, he felt prophetic: no, he's not going to see fifty, and he didn't get to see a hundred more full moons. He was diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer, and though the treatments have made the past fifteen months great, they're not working anymore and last Thursday's full moon was his last one. He hadn't cared to tell anyone but decided people would want to know, so he posted.
Patrick is one of those unusual people. He was a developer that joined our studio that made Facebook games back when it was actually profitable to make Facebook games. The first impression you'll get of him is that he's callous and unsociable... and then you'll find out just how wrong that impression was. He's actually a very caring and interested friend, and he loves his friends, but he doesn't waste time on social niceties. Once when we were at dinner with him and a number of others, he was having a great time talking and laughing, and then he went, "Okay, I'm done," and he got up and went home. He didn't care to make up an excuse, and you know what? That's okay. It's none of our business why he wanted to leave, and why should he need to make an excuse? I loved this about him.
He's intensely interested in everything. Of course, he can't do everything, but he wants to hear about it if he can't, and he loves listening to you talking about that esoteric thing you do and asking minute details about everything. He's the only one of my friends and co-workers who's actually attended one of my band concerts - he said he might drop by when I mentioned the concert, and then he actually did - and this includes my husband. Patrick loved it when I fell hard into Doctor Who, and was especially interested in my fanfic writing. We talked about it a few times, and he even read a few of my early stories. Most people thought it was weird or silly, and I've learned not to mention it to anyone, but he thought it was great.
In his Facebook post, he asked people to share a memory of him and he'll respond with a memory of you. I posted that I always picture him this one time in the parking lot at work, holding this stray kitten in his arms. That kitten had been hanging around the area for the past week and everyone had gotten to know him, and you could tell that Patrick really loved the kitten, but he refused to take him home. Patrick responded that at the time, he'd refused to let himself take the kitten home even though he really wanted to, and it was years before he allowed himself to get a cat, and in hindsight, it was pretty darn silly. (One of our other co-workers took the kitten home and named him Bosco; unfortunately, a couple of months later, Bosco was hit by a car.)
Patrick also responded that he always respected me for how I was never afraid to express my love for something even if it wasn't something society didn't approve of, and that my husband and I were always his "nerd goal". I believe he was referring to DW and fanfiction, and, well, I just really don't know what to say.
More recently (as in today), I learned that his cancer had spread to his bones, and that's really what he's dying of. He's currently still able to live on his own, and he's making the most of his time. He's been going out to dinner with friends, and this weekend, he's heading out of town for an air show. He also mentioned that he missed playing D&D with friends, so now we're organizing a D&D campaign to play with him. It's going to be a mess, as we have 11 people in the game and expect at least two more to join, but it's going to be wonderful.
A mutual friend said to me, "He's going death-with-dignity", and I replied, "Well, he's nailing it."
So, it's been a tough week and I spent the first couple of days crying a lot, but you know, while I am sad, the overwhelming feeling I have is respect, for Patrick and his outlook, both back then and right now. I'm going to miss you, Patrick. To be totally honest, we didn't intersect for all that long and we were never particularly close, but you left a significant positive impact on my life, and you know that "nerd goal" thing? Well, you're one of my "person goals".
